Now available on Amazon. A complete book about Mal-Adaptive Daydreaming, first point of view, from birth through age 50. Type the title in the search bar to find and order the book.
About the book.
Who am I? I am a middle aged black female named Quanna Jace McAllister. The year is 2020 and I am in isolation in my room at Handly Simms Mental Institution in Louisville Kentucky during the start of a pandemic. I am serving a 25 year sentence in this mental institution in lieu of prison for various crimes. The main crime was shooting ‘Hellface’ three times and setting structures on fire in Cincinnati, Ohio and Louisville during a psychotic breakdown.
After catching Covid we, meaning the mental patients, are not allowed to leave our room. So, I am using this time to write a book of my life and how I lived struggling with mental illness. I am high functioning autism with a new condition called Maladaptive Daydreaming that I’ve had since birth.
Maladaptive Daydreaming is an uncontrollable side story that plays like a never ending movie constantly in the back of the mind. Not only does the person have no choice watch the movie, he or she participates as a main character in the movie in the form of mouthing words, gestures, and laughing at the instant scenarios. Nobody knows how it gets started and there’s no end to it. It just is, and the person has to participate in the movie whether they want to or not. No one knows about the participation except for the person who is affected. Affected people like me do not talk about this or share with others for the fear of shame, ridicule, or looking crazy. There are others with this condition but how do we find them if we can’t talk about it to anyone?
In addition to the uncontrolled side story I am reviewing my life and what landed me here. What were the different choices I could have made? What led me to do the things I did while not in my right stable mind? I’ve opened the reader through my difficult childhood, teen years in foster care, and my troubled adulthood after that prostitution stint. I do speak a lot about the black church who has completely broken my trust, the unbridled racism in the black community and in my household growing up, dating black men while I had a mental illness, and the fantasy world which is the Maladaptive Daydreaming.
I am in the mental institution where I need to be. I am in drug rehab. I am on medications now. I am writing this book with a clear mind. My life was quite a ride and this book is a rollercoaster of brutal honesty. I was born with a mental condition that I did not ask for. I was treated horribly because of my condition. My question throughout my life now, and as a child was simply this.
What was my crime? I did not deserve any of this.
TheHealingProject 