On the surface it looks like the parents are to blame because they are the ones doing the abuse. One parent usually falls into the “blamed more category” than the other. The non blaming parent is usually controlled or following along out of fear.
Looking past the obvious targets you’ll see the grandparents. More often than not the abusive parents are doing what was done to them. They have been either conditioned into thinking this was the right way to do things, or they are being pressured by their controlling parents.
So are the abusive grandparents to blame for the abusive parents actions? What about the great grandparents who grew up in a time where abuse was the norm? Who may have grown up when there were no child labor laws and education was not mandatory. The great grandparents didn’t know any better and abused the grandparents. Now the grandparents abuse the parents which filtered down to you.
So now do we blame the great grandparents? What about the great great grandparents who had no concept that this was hurtful because the great great great grandparents did this to them?
How far back can we really go to search for who is to blame? Adam and Eve? God? The Big Bang?
You’re probably saying to yourself right now that anyone of these people could have made the conscious decision not to abuse the child since they didn’t like it happening to them. And…..YOU ARE CORRECT!!
However, if you have a bunch of insecure people who have been taught wrong, and believe momma and daddy were right, and their environment suggests that these actions are correct and the opposite of these actions are weird, then why would it cross their mind to change the behavior?
If you are saying to yourself now, “Granny and Papa weren’t so bad. I can’t imagine them acting like this” well……. That’s now. Chances are they are too old to pick a fight cause they know they’ll lose. In addition to, if they have control over their kids, they can get their kids to do the abuse for them. You being the target.
On the flip side. There are wonderful grandparents, great grandparents who were NOT abusive, who ARE loving, who raised their children to the best of their ability with nurturing, naturing, affection and closeness, and their kid, the abusive parent, is just a spoiled brat beat their kids. This is true. This is also rare, but it does happen. In that case the parent is to blame.
In the other cases, as hard as it is to admit, comprehend, digest, and swallow; nobody would be to blame for abusing their child because the cycle goes back many many generations before you were born.
A lot of times drugs and alcohol do play a part in the abuse of children. In that case it would be influenced behavior by an outside agent. Then we have to look at why the parent is doing drugs and the mindset during the abuse.
Does this make it okay? Does this make it right? NO! It doesn’t. But in all honesty, that’s just the way it is.
Should the abusive parents be locked up? Should they be held responsible for their actions? YES! They should!
However, Granny and Papa who kept the cycle going and instigated the behavior of the parent serve no time.