Please share to those who cannot understand how they are being hurtful.
The date is May 26, 2016. You are in a tragic car accident. Someone is killed and your leg is dismembered.
Christmas of 2016. You think about how you lost a part of yourself and the dead person. You cry on Christmas. Out of nowhere someone yells at you
“GET OVER IT!”
Is that nice? Is that helpful? Does it make you feel good that you are told to get over a tragic accident and losing a body part that you lost through no fault of your own? You do realize that each time you want to walk or look down at the empty space where your leg once was that you will have flashbacks of the day, date, who was killed and how you lost your leg. That event will stay in your brain for the rest of your life. Flashbacks are uncontrollable.
IS THAT SOMETHING YOU JUST GET OVER?
Now apply that scenario to people who have been traumatized.
Imagine a child of any age at any time any where in the world has been beaten, burned, yelled at, and humiliated over and over again until they leave at age 18 or end up shifted around in the foster system and nobody wants to adopt the child.
Now he/she is an adult with deep emotional scars, dejected, and pieces of their soul or sanity removed due to the repeat trauma and abuse.
He/She is depressed and unprepared for the world and uneducated in how to handle the emotions and flashbacks from the repeated trauma. From time to time the person may cry and ask “why did it have to happen to me?”.
Out of nowhere you yell at that person in pain to
“GET OVER IT!”
Is that nice? Is it helpful? Is it thoughtful? Do you not realize that each time that person hears a name associated with the abuse, or hears the name of the town or a similar street name where the abuse happens that it brings it all back for them through no fault of their own? Its called a flashback and flashbacks are uncontrollable.
For those of you who
#1. Don’t know the full story and
#2. Don’t want to know and don’t care
#3. And who want to control someone else’s feelings because you have none, you need to know a few things.
These people you are yelling at to get over it are highly vulnerable.
What are you doing to help them get over it other than yelling at them to get over it?
They might have a gun and you might catch a bullet.
You are adding insult to injury, throwing salt in and open wound, and driving the knife deeper into bone by acting like this. YOU’RE NOT HELPING!
Practice this exercise.
Each time you feel like yelling at someone to “get over it” replace those words with
#1. nothing which means shut up or
#2. let me see who can help you.
Each time you yell at somebody to “GET OVER IT” you are missing an opportunity to make a difference in that person’s life and refusing a chance to help that person change from a wilted brown flower into a flourishing red rose.
And think about if you’re sad one day. Would you like for someone to yell at you to “get over it”?