Link to the Statute of Limitations on child abuse in each state. Click or copy this link to see what they are in your state.
Summary. Julie has suffered life long physical problems due to childhood abuse. These problems were not her fault and beyond her control. She’s carried this secret for all of her life and now she’s at a breaking point and wants to confront her father who was her abuser.
This story is based on a true story but the story line has been changed. I’m trying to make a point for those who do not understand how deep child abuse is and what kids go through. And how there can be life long lasting physical effects from the abuse.
Part 1. The Back Story
Julie is 8 years old. She comes home from school and her father is waiting for her. He tells Julie to cook him a 5 course meal with salad, soup, steak, bread and desert. And have it ready in 5 minutes. Susie says she doesn’t know how to cook. As punishment Julie is beaten until her collar bone is broken and fractured in 3 places.
Julie is not taken to a doctor until her mother comes home and takes her. Her mother lies to the emergency room stating that Julie was wearing skates in the house fell down the steps.
Julie is 48 years old. She’s had numerous surgeries on her collar bone, vertebra in her neck, upper arm, lower jaw as an ongoing result of the beating when she was 8. She’s spent thousands of dollars in insurance money and her own money on pain medications, therapies, and hospital visits. Susie has lied to all doctors about what happened to her because she was ashamed of the truth. Julie reaches a breaking point and wants to confront her abuser.
Julie wants to confront her father
She’s told by several people not to confront her abuser because it’s too dangerous. She’s told by others that confronting the abuser may relieve her pain, so do it. She’s told by some people not to confront him alone, and told by others that it is just very unfortunate that she has to go through this. Move on with your life and stop dwelling on the past.
From Julie’s point of view she would not have been in pain for the last 32 years had it not been for him and his shenanigans and ongoing abuse and lies. She wants to confront him.
Part 2. The Confrontation
December 2013. Julie has not seen or spoken to her parents in over 15 years due to the ongoing abuse she suffered at his hands. Several other long lasting injuries have arisen. Here is a play by play of the confrontation. Will it go good or will it go bad?
[Father is sitting in a recliner. Mother is at the table sewing an apron. Julie flings the door open red faced and frizzy haired]
Father: [ surprised] Julie!
Julie: Hi DAD!
Father: So you don’t come around for 15 years and then you just walk yourself right into my house!
Julie: Oh I won’t be here very long! Just long enough to tell you that you were a crappy deal of a father you were! And SHE [pointing to her mother] was so weak minded to stay with you and let you hurt me!
Father: Are we back on that again!
Julie: YES WE ARE AND WE WILL CONTINUE TO BE ON IT RIGHT THROUGH SMALL CLAIMS COURT!
Mother: Small claims court!
Julie: I have spent thousands of dollars on the injuries you inflicted on me and her lies. I want my money back since you’re the cause of it! Because of you and her I have been on PAIN medications for the last 15 years! You were the worst set of miserable low life shadow of human’s I ever saw! I’m your only child but guess what! When the two of you die. GUESS WHO WON’T BE AT YOUR FUNERAL! [Points to herself] Meeeeeeee!
Father: Well guess who’s not in the will! [Points to her] Yoooooooou!
Julie: Well guess who hasn’t been in my life for 15 years and who won’t be for next 15 years and then some. [Points to them] YOU TWO! And guess who hasn’t met their grandchildren. YOU! Because I will not subject them to the same abuse you inflicted on me!
Mother: [Speaking sweetly with a smile] Does it make you feel better to yell at us dear?
Julie: What makes me feel better is KNOWING that you two will be burning in the hottest part of HELL! Especially YOU! [points to the father] YOU broke my collar bone when I was 8 just because I couldn’t fix you a 5 course meal in 5 minutes! It was a ridiculous demand and you know it. I WAS 8!
Father: That was over 32 years ago. You’re not over that yet? Get OVER it! Grow UP little girl!
Julie: Why the hell should I grow up! YOU NEVER DID! Old Bastard!
Mother: What do you want Jules! An apology! He’s sorry okay!
Julie: Why is HE not saying it! I want to hear that from HIS mouth!
Father: I don’t have to apologize because I didn’t do anything wrong! Whatever I did to you, you deserved it! You have the problem NOT me! You were failure when you were 8! You’re a failure now!
[Julie visibly resists the urge to flip the recliner over with him in it. Stops herself.]
Julie: Okay you know what! I’m not even here for you! I’m here for ME! I’m saying what I have to say to you! Deny all the wrong you did if you want to! YOU will have to answer for that! You SORRY! SAD! NARCISSTIC, SATANIC IDIOTS! [pause and catch her breath]
Father: Are you finished?
Julie: NO! I hope you die and you die soon. I hope you die a horrible, painful, slow, agonizing DEATH!
[Julie leaves the house slamming the door behind her]
Part 3. Conclusion
The following month Julie feels better since the confrontation. Its like a weight has been lifted from her. She is at home with her children going over homework when the phone rings. She answers. It’s her mother.
Mother: Julie I want to explain to you why I did the things I did.
Julie: I’m listening.
Mother: I was always afraid of your father. He didn’t just abuse you he abused me too.
Julie: Why did you allow it! For either of us!
Mother: My father abused me and my mother so I thought it was normal. When I realized it was not normal I was already stuck. I came from a strict Christian family where divorce was not an option so I put that out of my mind. I didn’t know you were hurt as bad as you were or that you had all of these surgeries because of him.
Julie: Mom why are you calling?
Mother: I want to be a part of my grandchildren’s life. I want to meet them.
Julie: Not a chance. I’m not having the two of you coming around here bothering us!
Mother: Julie it will just be me. After you left the other day we got into a big argument and he slapped me. Then he said he’s kill me. I left. I spoke with a lawyer and filed for divorce and stated that I want half of everything. I’m looking for a small apartment. The money I get from him I will send to you to help pay for doctors bills and help with the kids.
Julie: [astonished] Really?
Mother: Yes. Really.
Julie: What about Dad?
Mother: He’s never going to change. I realized that when you came blasting in and he started saying the same things he said 20 years ago. Leave him be. I don’t want my grandkids growing up not knowing who I am.
Conclusion: Julie’s mother moved into an apartment as planned and left her father. Julie and her mother are currently working on rebuilding a damaged relationship. Julie’s kids were overjoyed to finally meet their grandmother. The divorce went as planned and Julie’s mother received her just dues. Julie still does not and will not speak to her father. As far as they know he is still sitting in his recliner maintaining that he’s done nothing wrong.
This is a fictional story with a semi happy ending but not all endings work out this way. Confronting an abuser depends on the abuser.
I have confronted 2 of 3 abusers. One is dead so I cannot confront her. Even if she were alive she would act like the father in the chair. Out of the other 2 living abusers I speak to abuser 1 on a weekly basis and do not speak to abuser 3 unless I see her at a family reunion. Then I keep the conversation light because she is still an abuser to other family members. But no longer me.
Suggestions for confrontations
If it is safe to confront your abuser then by all means go for it.
If you do not think it is safe you should bring a third party or in extreme cases a mediator or a lawyer depending on the situation. Check for Statute of Limitations.
Some abuses such a sexual abuse carries a term of when you can file against the abuser.
That can also be a way of confrontation.
In any confrontation make it your goal NOT to go to jail for any kind of assault or injury. Do not carry a weapon to the confrontation.