Child Abuse: When The Bullied Kid Thinks About Bringing A Gun To School

Why are so many kids bringing guns to school these days and shooting the bullies? That is a question that people ask when they do not understand the dynamics of the whole situation. Shooting the bully is the end result. Not the beginning of the problem. I could have been that kid in 1984 who could have killed 4 boys in eighth grade. The bullies names will be mentioned at the bottom of this blog along with the school, city, and state.

My personal story. In 1984 I was a 13 year old child abuse victim.

Middle school is one of the most hellish places a child abuse victim can find themselves. I was bullied to the point where I tried to commit suicide by taking a whole bottle of Bayer Aspirin. After that I had to switch schools to get away from the bullies for my own mental health.

Here is the whole dynamic as to what led me to want to bring a gun to school.

At Home

I was dealing with an abuser who was on crack, cocaine, heroin, and a diet of 40 oz beer. My abuser’s parent supplied the drugs. The abuser was stoned 90% of the time and made my life a living hell with insults, verbal abuse, physical beatings, and so on. The codependent would not leave the abuser and in spite of me begging to go live with other relatives or foster homes or wherever I could go to escape the situation, me calling the police etc. I was told I would stay there until I was 18. That was another factor in wanting to commit suicide. I had no escape.

There was a gun in the basement in a desk drawer. I had often thought about taking that gun and shooting the abuser with it. But I never did. I didn’t think about bringing it to school until I’d had enough of the 4 boys.

At School

Sometimes I would be beaten, or threatened some kind of way before going to school. School was my escape to being at home. Once at school, sometimes in tears from a horrible morning, I faced the bullies. There were 4 boys. They would wait at the bus drop offs in front of the school and as soon as I got off the bus here they come.

Sadly I still remember the names they called me. Nigger, Monkey Boon, Douche Bag, Whore, Stupid Black Girl, and other names. If I tried to ignore them they’d push me into lockers or smack me in the head. I reported this to the teachers, principal, assistant principal, other students and even the Janitor. Nothing happened. I got no help. The school told me I needed to 1) work it out with the guys and 2) stop being so sensitive.

I told the non abuser at home about this whole situation and was told to just ignore them and they will stop. That didn’t work. Ignoring them seemed to step it up 1000% verbally and physically.

It got to a point where I didn’t want to be at school or home. I kept trying to skip school and not go home in order to avoid both situations. In all cases I ended up in trouble with the school or being blamed by my parents.

Bringing the gun to school

One day in 1985, eighth grade, I went to school and the 4 bullies started with me. I told them, “My father has a loaded gun in the base ment. I will bring it to school and blow your fucking heads off if you continue to bother me!” Two of them never spoke to me again after I said that. The other two kept it up they dared me to bring the gun. Nobody reported me to school officials even though the whole hallway heard me say it. The school was never made aware that I threatened the life of other 12 year olds.

The next day before I left  for school I went for that gun in the basement. I took it out of the drawer and checked the chamber. There were no bullets. I looked for the bullets and could not find them. I was running out of time and the bus was coming.

I thought about taking it anyway just to aim it at them and show them I meant business. But then I thought when they find out its empty I’ll be made fun of even more. So I put the gun back in the drawer and ran for the bus.

What would have happened if I had taken that gun to school

Well I am glad that I did not. When I went home that evening I found the bullets in another part of the house. I put them back where I found them. I believe to this day it was God’s will that I did not shoot those 4 boys.

At the time, in a 12 year old’s mind, I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted them to leave me alone. I wanted the abuser to leave me alone. I was not thinking about murder charges, jail time, being arrested, being on TV, trials, lawyers, or possibly being charged as an adult due to the crime. Or even being charged as a minor and staying in jail until I’m 18. Not to mention the aftermath behind the shooting and living with the fact that people were hurt or possibly dead because of me. None of those things crossed my mind.

Today I am a mother and a wife and I have a career. If I had been in jail serving sentences I would not have had my wonderful child. If I had murder charges for them I may not have this career now. I would have a record that would follow me for the rest of my life.

In short, shooting them or ending their lives would have ended mine. I would have been the one who suffered the most. Not just suffering for myself but for them as well. Not to mention all of our families who would also suffer due to a 12 year old actions with a gun who just wanted to stop the pain.

What would have happened if other kids had reported me to school officials about the gun?

I don’t know because it was 1984. Rules and standards were different then. Maybe it would have alerted them there was a problem. Maybe I would have received help. Maybe I would have been removed from the home. Maybe we would have left the abuser sooner than we did if the courts had been involved. I think it definitely would have helped me in some way had I been reported. But nobody reported me and nothing was ever said to me by any school personnel about the comment.

Where are those 4 bullies now?

Don’t know. Don’t care. Not my concern. I hope to never see them again. I believe in karma. They pain they inflicted on me for their own enjoyment will come back to them either personally, or if they have kids, their kids may be bullied worse than what they did to me. Somehow they will reap what they sow.

Am I saying that each kid who brings a gun to school is a child abuse victim?

No. I am not saying that. I am saying that was my situation. I am also saying that if a child is bringing a gun to school or even thinking about it then obviously there is a problem and disconnect somewhere. The child needs help and not to be failed or ignored. If other kids hear someone saying what I said. It needs to be reported immediately before someone gets seriously hurt.

What should be done about these bullies.

The parents of the bullies need to be addressed as to why their child feels the need to target other kids. The child being bullied needs to be looked at as far as self-esteem, home environment, and why they are being a target. Mental problems also need to be examined on both parties. If there is a mental illness then it needs to be addressed so that kids can live a normal life.

 Who were the bullies?

I will tell you their names for 2 reasons. 1) The person being bullied usually remembers all details including names, places and what was said. The person doing the bullying usually forgets because it’s not important to them how they make you feel 2) If by chance these guys see this they have a choice to either ignore it or step forward,therefore, exposing themselves as the culprits.

Also, the school has all of my reports and documents on file with these guys name by me as the ones who bullied me out of the school. Plus there are several witnesses that saw and heard the things that were said to me. It would be kind of hard to disprove what I am saying due to lots of evidence.

The Bullies Names at Warner Middle School in Louisville Kentucky

Dallas Craig Young, The Leader did the most damage, encouraged me to bring the  gun and shoot him

Michael Webb, Second in command did the racists insults and encouraged me to shoot him

Eric Wright, Instigatorinstigated and egged the guys on, left me alone after the gun comment

David Weinstein, Instigator – joined in for kicks, left me alone after the gun comment. It also occurred to me that since he was Jewish he may have realized he could very well be a targeted just as quickly as me being black

Someone somewhere might be saying “They were just kids. They didn’t know the implications of what they were doing to to you. Grow up.”

My question to those people is this: “Does it really matter what age a kid is when he does lifetime damage to another kid? Should this just be forgotton or wiped away just because everybody was under the age of 13 when these horrible things were said and done?”

It does not matter what age the person is when abuse occurs. There are always long lasting effects of the abuse. In this case there was a child who did not receive love at home from those who were supposed to love and protect her and certainly found none from intimate strangers who were classmates or Warner Middle School staff who represented the Jefferson County Public School System.

I’m sure the 4 boys have forgotton all about me and the hell they put me through just for thier own kicks, giggles and Jollies. Even if they remember I doubt the care one bit about the damage they did to me. However, I’ve tried to forget them and for whatever reason I cannot seem to do so. I feel nothing when I think of them except sorrow on all sides.

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