Open Discussion: Child Abuse. Adult Children of Narcissists

Do not confuse Narcissists with Sociopaths. They are two different things. However, 1 person can possess both traits. They can also overlap.

http://www.bandbacktogether.com/adult-children-of-Narcissistic-parents-resources/

This is part 1. Part 2 has a story. Will post it shortly.

 The Child of a Narcissist

Below is a link to the famous Mommy Dearest scene where Joan Crawford, who is portrayed as a Narcissist, embellishes a situation on Christina and Christina rebels. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n1uwzYOBa0

This second link is also from Mommy Dearest where Joan Crawford wants to be adored by everyone and Christina is not cooperating. The narcissistic supply has run out and Joan is trying to gain control to get it back. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqM1ttqNA9k

These links are perfect examples of the narcissistic parent and what happens when the attention falls short on them from thier child who is also a victim.

Seek and Destroy. Lie and Praise.

From first hand experience I can tell  you that a Narcissistic parent accompanied by a narcissistic grandparent is enough to drive a kid to kill him/herself. There is no winning. There is never any winning. Nothing you do, say, act out, or any points you try to make will not work unless it is suiting the narcissistic parents supply of ‘me me me’.

In my case they had the extra factor of sociopath wrapped around narcissism like a hot dog roll up. A child does not know that the parent has a problem. How would it know? The child falls into a trap of trying to please the parent, not knowing, that it’s an impossible feat to accomplish. The parent will never be pleased by anyone except for him/herself.

For those who follow me you know I love lists. Here’s a list of a few things a kid has to go through with somebody who has an ego that Ryan’s Buffet can’t even feed.

  1.  The child will never be good enough. The parent will always find somewhere, where, the child falls short.
  2. The child will be chastised for an A when it should have been an A+. If there was an A+ the child is chastised for not having an A++, if not an A++ then she should have worn a red shirt and so on
  3. The child is to only celebrate the parents success. If the child has success, like winning the national spelling bee,  the parent either downplays or tells the child why the success is not his/her success.
  4. The child is competition. The parent has to ‘win’ against the child at all times.
  5. The parent is in constant competition for attention against the child. Therefore the child is to be seen and not heard.
  6. The child is not seen as a child but as an object that needs to be controlled.
  7. The child’s role is to be a constant supply of praise, adoration, and adornment.
  8. If a child has made a mistake or done something wrong it will be publicized with embellishments to make the child seem far worse than he/she is.
  9. If a child has done something good, like win a national spelling bee, the parent will overpraise and take all the credit for the child winning so the attention will be on what a good parent they are and not so much the hard work and the child put into it.
  10. The parent may be hooked into titles. The child has no title. Meaning the child is of lesser importance, and less intelligent.

From first hand experience I can tell  you that a Narcissistic parent accompanied by a narcissistic grandparent is enough to drive a kid to kill him/herself. There is no winning. There is never any winning. Nothing you do, say, act out, or any points you try to make will not work unless it is suiting the narcissistic parent.

In my case they had the extra factor of sociopath wrapped around it like a hot dog roll up. So now the obvious question is,

How do we protect children from parents like this?

 The origin of the word Narcissist.

Greek Mythology Narcissus – Long story short. He was so in love with himself that he could not leave his reflection in the lake. Due to his attachment to himself and unable to part with his own likeness, he died at the lake still admiring his own reflection. For those of you old enough to remember original The Smurfs just think of Vanity Smurf on steroids.

Today’s definition of Narcissist.

  1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
  2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
  3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
  4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

Other Traits Straight From A Text Book

• An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges
• Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships
• A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic)
• Difficulty with empathy
• Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries)
• Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury)
• Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt
• Haughty body language
• Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply)
• Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse)
• Using other people without considering the cost of doing so
• Pretending to be more important than they really are
• Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements
• Claiming to be an “expert” at many things
• Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people
• Denial of remorse and gratitude

 

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