We do not have to live with abandonment issues for the rest our lives. The key to overcoming this issue is to first admit that you have it, and then take steps to diffuse it.
For more information on abandonment issues related to Child Abuse click on these 2 links.
In the early 2000’s I looked up abandonment issues for a friend of mine. Her father disowned her before birth and her mother died as a teenager. She couldn’t hold on to any relationships and never go along with anybody. She also had maladaptive daydreamin. Her daydreams consisted of permanent friends and family in her mind that would always be there and never leave. Plus she was a celebrity in her fantasies so everyone loved her. Again. These were daydreams.
While I was going through her issue and reading on abandonment it started to sound more like me than her. I showed her the website and she said it was more me than her. Then we debated. She finally admitted that she might have that issue but was intent that it was me that really needed professional help more than her. (which wasn’t all together true cause she was trip!)
The list for abandonment was:
Overly Clinginess. Which I did to every guy and they kept leaving me. Which further pushed me into the abandonment issue.
Upset to tears when stood up for a date. Which seemed to happen often to me. I took it a lot harder than somebody else might have.
Afraid of making mistakes. I truly believed if I made a mistake that the person would never speak to me again or want anything to do with me. I thought they’d leave.
Afraid to show feelings.I believed if I showed love, hurt, joy or anything that I would be yelled at criticized and abandoned
Unsuccessful. In relationships and in life.
During the 15 years of child abuse each success I had, Abuser 1 tore it down and made me understand that I was actually a failure. So each time I reached any success I always had the thought that this was temporary and someone would step in to put me down.
Overreaction to small things.If I had prepared dinner for me and a new boyfriend and he never showed up after I did all the cooking and setting table and so forth, I would be ready to kill. Most people would just tell the person not to call back or come by ever again. But me, I was actively seeking, searching and stalking until I found him and then it was game on.
How am I overcoming this problem?
1. Affirmations to myself.
It’s okay to be successful. It’s okay to be beautiful. Its’ okay to make mistakes.
2. Admit that I made a mistake.
If the other person takes it to levels then that is them. Not me. Good riddens, happy trails.
3. Make it a point not to be clingy.
Before I got married I gave guys 3 chances. If they messed up all 3 chances then we are done. Number erased from the phone, caller ID, do not speak to me ever again.
4. I used to take it personal when friends wouldn’t call me back, invite me somewhere and not show up, or leave me out of events.
Now I give them 1 chance to tell the correct information or be there when they say they will. If they don’t show we are finished.
5. Chatting on facebook. I send 1 message.
If the person takes 6 months to respond then so be it. I will not send repeated messages and I do not beg.
6. I had to, and still am, working hard to change my thought patterns and mindset so that I can stop this abandonment issue and live free.
What caused my abandonment issue? Well I can think of a few things.
A. Each time I had a report card full of A’s it was torn up and I was told I was not smarter than any other child and I’d done nothing special.
B. Each time I got dressed up and looked nice I was quickly told how awful I looked and how a dog could dress better.
C. Any time I won an award it was trashed and I was told that the award meant nothing to anybody except for me. and that awards were given to pathetic people to make them fell a part of the crowd.
D. Just about anything I did or tried to do that was positive was shot down with either an insult, or some sort of smack.
These are just a few examples but yes. Abandonment can be a product of child abuse.