Years and years of therapy go by with a whole set of people with different issues spawned by other people who promoted those issues. All of these people have the same question, “WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?”
I asked that same question during my many many years of therapy. As a child I noticed that other kids didn’t seem to have the same intensity of problems that I had, they seemed to love thier parents and had no fear of going home, they did well in thier subjects and joined all kinds of activities that thier parents seemed to fully supported. They had a functioning family while mine was the opposite.
I wasn’t allowed to join sports, band, or go places with friends. I had to stay in the house and walk on egg shells wondering what I was doing wrong or if I was doing wrong. It seemed anything set somebody off to beat me up. It got to a point where I would come home from school and hide under the steps storage space with a flashlight and a sandwhich. I had everything I needed in my hide spot. I would not come out from under the steps until the safe parent came home. Once I was found hiding by the abuser and was pulled out and beat mercilessly for hiding. I was told not to do it again or else. I still did it, but he was too drunk and high to think about it. This continued until I was able to escape. That’s another post on what happened there. It was a life changing event.
The abuse I suffered was out of scope and over the top. People from functioning families do not understand what people like me went through or how we survived it. Most don’t care or won’t believe that these things happened. In dysfuntional families child abuse can be so severe that children have been killed, seriously hurt, or mentally damaged.
For us 70’s and 80’s kids who suffered the abuse when truly nobody cared, we are now in our 40’s still dealing with the injustices and hurts of the past. We see our childhood friends, who were not abused, and they are flourishing. We still continue to ask ourselves, Why did it have to happen to me?
There are survivors of abuse who are overly successful. They have taken the hurt and pain and manifested it into over achieving. They are driven by the memories of being conditioned to feeling like a failure. On the other hand there are those who are serious underachievers because they can’t pull it together for the following reasons. 1. They cannot escape the memories 2. They were beaten to no self esteem 3. They have no answers as to why they were abused and its driving them crazy and 4. They are still with the abuser and believe they cannot succeed or leave because they are dependent. They also may feel alone.
If you’ve ever asked the question, “Why did it have to happen to me?” You are not alone.