Open Discussion: Abusive Statements People Say to Adult Survivors of Child Abuse – and PTSD

WELCOME TO THE HEALING PROJECT
The aim is to help us heal ourselves and each other from Maladaptive Daydreaming, Abuses, and PTSD. 
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Here is the list of abusive statements.
I will explain later.
1. You should be over that by now
2. Maybe you were just a bad child
3. You need to grow up
4. That was so long ago why are you still holding on to that
5. I remember that going a different way
6. You deserved it
7. You brought it on yourself
8. So you had a hard time taking discipline huh
9. That’s your fault, you should have said something
10. Is that why you’re such a loser cause you daddy hit you a few times
11. You’re lying. Those things never happened
12. They didn’t happen the way you say they did
13. You exaggerate
14. Are we back on this again
15. You’re too sensative and took it way out of proportion
16 You don’t pray hard enough otherwise you’d be over this by now
17. If you trust in Jesus this would stop
18. You’re letting Satan take over your emotions. Rebuke him
19. Oh poor baby. Its all about you isn’t it
20. You’re making this all up. Stop it
 
If you just read these statements and felt any anger at all, or saw any faces flash in your mind with lips moving, or you thought about slapping somebody just now, then you understand what I am saying.
 
This post is aimed at those insensitive people who have no idea the sereverity of abuse we went through, how it was dealt with or not dealt with, and the lasting effects of that abuse on us. This is my attempt to explain to them why they receive the reactions they do when these abusive statements are said to us.
 
Child abuse doesn’t stop after somebody turns 5. That abuse can go from age 0 to 17 which is considered a minor. It doesn’t stop there either. It can continue for a number of years in post abuse status after the person leaves the situation.
 
Main components of abuse consists of:
physical
mental
emotional
verbal
sexual
and spiritual if the family is overly religious
 
These are not all but are the most common.
 
Even if a child is rescued from the abuse or the child is now a 50 year old adult, he/she can suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There are several descriptions and definitions of PTSD.
 
Here is One Definition of PSTD:
An anxiety resulting from a traumatic, terrifying event where a person of any age believes that he/she will be killed or others around them will be, or have been killed. They have witnesses severe abuse of others or themselves. This can include natural disasters, car accidents, being abused/tortured or any situation that is beyond the control of the person who is powerless to stop the traumatic event from happening while its happening.
 
Extreme Flashbacks are often associated with PSTD.
 
Definition of a flashback:
A psychological phenomenon in which an individual has a sudden, usually powerful re-experiencing of a past experience or elements of a past experience. The term is used particularly when the memory is recalled involuntarily, and/or when it is so intense that the person “relives” the experience, unable to fully recognize it as a memory and not something that is happening in real time.
 
Simply put: Your mind relives the traumatic event (s) for you in real time. It invades all sensus and places you into the situation and rolls like a film. Every detail of the trauma is revealed in 3D real time and you relive it as it happened, at the time it happened. Your mind cannot turn off the film until the reliving of the trauma is complete. You have no control over the flashback.
 
This can also go in a loop and start over and repeat several times back to back or loop 5 minutes apart until you either get medication or some help to stop the looping.
 
It can take a life time to break the tip of the iceberg when dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Child abuse survivors are no exception to that rule.
 
People who do not understand,  1. PTSD and 2. Flashbacks, have no grasp as to what the person has gone through and are going through. Inconsiderate or thoughtless people tend to use 1 or all 10 statements above to continue throwing salt into an already gaping bleeding wound.
 
If you are one of those people who have said one or more of those things above, or even something equivalent or equally damaging that’s not listed above.
 
Please, stop it.
 
If you hear someone stating they can’t get past the abuse try to get them some help. Damaging statements such as those posted above are harsh, unnecessary, uncalled for, unjustified, and flat out rude to say the least.
 
Saying things like this does not help the person to heal, it only drives the wound deeper and causes more problems for that person. There are many many life long lasting effects of child abuse and each post survivor develops and heals differently. Some have a harder time than others for various reasons. Consider this before speaking.
 
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