Open Discussion: Child Abuse – When the punishment does not fit the crime- And mental after effects

WELCOME TO THE HEALING PROJECT
The aim is to help us heal ourselves and each other from Maladaptive Daydreaming, Abuses, and PTSD.
 
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CHILD ABUSE

After many reports of mental, physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional cruelty as a child; some adults report Maladaptive Daydreaming as one of the after effects. Child abuse is more common than we think. Its just not spoken about as much because the child is threatened and silenced. And people have different ideas on what child abuse is.

Look at this story. The names have been changed to protect ME.

A small little black girl in 1978, around age 7 was playing with a barbie doll at the kitchen sink. (barbies were only white at that time) Barbie was supposed to be at the beach swimming on vacation. The little girl filled the sink with water and dipped barbie into it.

Girl speaking in Barbie voice: Its so hot at this beach. I think I’ll lay in the sun.

She put barbie’s blonde hair in a ponytail and placed her on a napkin which served at a beach towel. Then the girl went to play with other toys believing barbie was enjoying the sun at the beach. The little girl was involved in a fantasy with barbie.

A parent comes in, sees the barbie on the side of the sink, goes to the little girl, grabs her by her hair, yells at the little girl, and throws the girl down a flight of steps. The girl lands at the the bottom of the steps screaming and crying. The parent stomps down the steps, hovers over little girl.

Girl crying: Why did you throw me down the steps!

Parent: SHUT UP! YOU GET THAT HONKEY %@** BARBIE OFF THE SINK! THIS AIN’T YOUR PLAY AREA!

The girl goes back up the steps sobbing in total tears, removes the barbie and goes to her room and cries for the rest of the day. She has no idea what a honkey is. To her its a barbie doll. The girl has no other explanation for this abuse other than barbie should not have been on the sink. She believes her parent hates her, does not want her, and surely hates barbie. She feels rejected, unloved, and uncared for and associates barbie with her being thrown down the steps.

The punishment of being thrown down a flight of steps did not fit the crime of a barbie doll on the sink.

The only way this girl can rationalize and deal with this situation, that had no rhyme or reason, is to create a new fantasy parent that loves her, doesn’t beat her, and lets her play with barbies.

How many things did you count going wrong in this situation?

Instances happened like this before and after this barbie scenario. Each one pushed the child further and further into an imaginary world where she was safe from harm.

Often with child abuse the child is never given any reason as to why he/she is being slapped around. If a reason is given then it doesn’t make sense. Like a barbie on a sink.

A child has loyalty to parents up to a certain point. Once that loyalty is broken the child faces a broken relationship with that parent. There is no way for a child to know if a parent has a chemical dependency, alcoholism problem, is a racist or what’s going on. Those things are beyond a child’s comprehension.

My theory, if kids become accustomed to living in a fantasy world to escape abuse with no other way to deal with it, then it will continue into teenage and adulthood years by default.

Far in the future adults are still relying on thier imaginary families to pull them through the day. Not because they want to; they have to. It has become an automatic feature in thier psyche from developmental years. Its hard to turn off and it becomes easier to live with it than without it.

I’m not saying this is the only effect of child abuse, nor am I a child psychologist. I am saying the MD is definitely a factor for some people who suffered child abuse.

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Be courteous, ask questions, be respectful of others and thier feelings.

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